why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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