If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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