Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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