My liver just broke up with me...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
two words...techno handjob
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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