id be glad to
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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