I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
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