It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
His nipple licking is glorious
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