whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize