I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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