you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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