My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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