If that was your dad, he is hot
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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