My liver just broke up with me...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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