So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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