He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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