we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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