i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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