i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize