i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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