Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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