T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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