Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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