What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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