I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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