better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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