Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
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have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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