okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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