he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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