my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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