Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize