The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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