My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize