I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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