Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time

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(248): I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time http://tfl.nu/04o8

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(425): View more from Washington

the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

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(425): the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side http://tfl.nu/wowf

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."

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(724): the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year." http://tfl.nu/oy1q

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(925): View more from California

I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

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(925): I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point. http://tfl.nu/b8y5

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(281): View more from Texas

It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.

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(281): It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms. http://tfl.nu/ibyd

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(718): View more from New York

He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........

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(718): He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........ http://tfl.nu/befd

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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(832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?

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(603): sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall? http://tfl.nu/ejbk

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(727): View more from Florida

remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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(727): remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes. http://tfl.nu/1odp

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(206): View more from Washington

I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.

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(206): I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day. http://tfl.nu/m69g

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(386): View more from Florida

Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now

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(386): Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now http://tfl.nu/ahzl

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(207): View more from Maine

I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.

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(207): I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered. http://tfl.nu/1qcp

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.

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(970): Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/jvs7

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(419): View more from Ohio

I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him

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(419): I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him http://tfl.nu/czew

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(561): View more from Florida

am i new drunk or am i still drunk

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(561): am i new drunk or am i still drunk http://tfl.nu/zvnj

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