I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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