I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize