How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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