Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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