I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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