What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize