Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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