I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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