Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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