Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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