420 ftw
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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