I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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