i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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