I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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