I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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