then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
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I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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